Do You Tear Down or Build Up?

In high school, I had a teacher that called me filter. Not because I had the skills of having and processing my thoughts through a filter, but because of the exact opposite. I would say what I felt or thought, without first thinking if it was the appropriate time or place. Over the years, even though I still don’t do it perfectly, I attempt to run all of my thoughts and feelings through a filter before I say them. When something comes to my mind, I ask myself if what I’m about to say will tear down or build up. And it’s a skill that I am still developing. Though my motive was to live an honest and authentic life, my lack of filter did not come across as real but insensitive. The truth I spoke was not partnered with love, compassion and awareness of the person who was standing in front of me. In Ephesians 4, we see Paul teaching believers how to put off or deny the old man and to walk in the newness of life that is found in Christ. He gives a few specifics on how to do that, commanding believers to be done with falsehood; speak truthfully; to not let anger lead to sin; do not steal; work hard and to be generous to those in need (Ephesians 4:25-28). Which brings us to verse 29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Part of putting on the new man is controlling what comes out of your mouth. WORDS THAT DESTROY Have you ever thought about how your words impact someone? Paul is telling us not to let any unwholesome talk come from our mouths. The Greek translation for unwholesome is unprofitable or rotten. The same word is used in Matthew 7:17-18, where we see that every good tree bears good fruit and bad trees bear rotten fruit. I’m not sure if you’ve ever had rotten fruit sit on the counter for too long, but it is accompanied by a horrific smell and not-so-pleasant aesthetic. The one piece of rotten fruit will contaminate and ruin any other fruit or vegetable that touches it. Paul advises us that this unwholesome talk that we let come out of our mouths does just that. Our words can contaminate and ruin the people they touch. There is a fine line between sarcasm and degrading something, between a prayer request and gossip. We must be on guard about everything that comes out of our lips because it has the power to destroy the very people we love and care for. WORDS THAT BRING LIFE Thankfully, part of walking in the newness of life means that we are new creations. Our old selves are gone, and we have new life (2 Corinthians 5:17). Having a new life means we have a new way of doing things. We walk differently, act differently, treat people differently and speak differently. The difference is that we are called to live a life of holiness with the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit. Our words can bring life because we have been transformed. Therefore, the way we speak to and interact with others has been transformed. It’s more than behavior modification, rather, our hearts have been completely renewed and with it our way of life. The way we encourage, challenge or speak truth overflows from what is happening in our hearts. If bitterness, anger, envy and jealously color your words, there is a bigger problem than the words you choose. But if your words are guided by love, grace, kindness, peace, mercy and joy, well that shows what is happening in your heart (Luke 6:45). I’m not saying you will say the right words all the time but take notice of the words you say. Are you consistently tearing down or building up the people around you? The things that take root in our hearts are the very things that flow from our mouths. Be diligent in cultivating a heart of joy towards your boss; a heart of understanding and patience towards your spouse; a heart of grace towards your friend; and a heart of compassion and love towards your neighbor. Let your heart and words mirror Jesus. by Emily LaGrone